Slowly Healing

Baby Update:

The babies are doing really well, they are what they call "feeders and growers" in the NICU. It is normal for them to lose weight for the first week and now they are starting to put it back on. Emily is 3 lbs 14 oz (5 oz from her birth weight) and Alex is 4 lbs 6 oz (3 oz from his birth weight). They are taking the maximum amount of food that they give them in NICU and they are starting to add calories to my breast milk. They are both taking some of their feedings by bottle and when I'm there we try breast feeding. Today they both did a great job before they got tired and we finished the feeding by gavage (feeding tube). Emily no longer has a nasal cannula although they are both having about one apnea spell a day. In order for them to be discharged they need to take all their feedings by bottle or breast and they can't have a spell for 5 days straight. They are still in Boston but the good news is that the set of twins that were due to go before us went to Beverly today so we are next in line.

Mommy Update:

I feel like I am slowly starting to heal. I still cry at the drop of a hat, especially when I think about the babies being in the NICU when I am home, but I'm feeling better today both mentally and physically. We spent the weekend as a family in Boston. On Saturday we stopped at the car dealership on the way in to the city and finalized the purchase of our new Honda Odyssey (woo hoo!). We should be picking it up tomorrow! Then we headed in to the hospital to do the 4:00 care for the babies. We took Lizzie in to see them for the first time and she was totally enthralled by them. It was great to have the whole family in the same room together. Afterwards we headed down to the hotel which was in a great part of town and we got for free thanks to Greg's hotel points. We took Lizzie out for dinner at The Cheesecake Factory then went back to the hotel to chill out and go to bed. She was such a trooper that day. She barely had a nap and ended up going to bed late. I am constantly amazed at how adaptable she is.

Today we got up around 7 and went out for breakfast. I think that is Lizzie's best meal of the day. After breakfast we took the subway down to the Public Garden. Lizzie loved seeing the buses in the city and going on the underground train. She also loved running around the Public Gardens chasing the squirrels and watching the ducks and geese. The weather was perfect for a day in the city! It was sunny and over 80 degrees. That time spend with Lizzie and Greg felt so nice, so healing. I even did a lot of walking so I'm definitely physically healing as well. We went back to the hospital for the babies 12 o'clock care. The first thing Lizzie asked for in the morning was to see the babies so she was happy to see them again. Greg took her for an ice cream while I fed the babies then we headed home around 2. At the end of the day I felt a lot better. Not perfect but a little more at peace. Tomorrow I will head back in to Boston to spend the day with the twins and I will continue to hope they get transferred to Beverly soon.

But as I mentioned before, I still cry a lot. I hate that my babies aren't here with us at home. I hate that they are so far away. I know that they are being well cared for but they aren't being loved, not like they will be when they are home. I just want to hold them and kiss them and love them like they need it. Let's hope that happens soon.