Difficult for Different Reasons

First, before I delve in to why I'm finding things so difficult, I thought you'd might like to hear how the babies have been doing since they were born. They both started on CPAP (pressurized air) but with no or little oxygen added so they were basically breathing room air and the pressure was making it easier. Now they are both off CPAP. Emily has a nasal cannula giving her a little help because she was drifting a bit (her oxygen saturation levels would decrease as she got a a little tired). Alex went off the CPAP today so we'll have to wait and see how he does. Apparently he was experiencing some apnea after getting upset but hopefully that will stop and he can stay off CPAP. They've lost all the fluids that they retained after their birth so now they can take in other more beneficial fluids. They are also doing a pretty good job maintaining their temperature. Finally they are under the bilirubin lights because they are a bit jaundiced which is perfectly normal for preemies. So, in general, they are doing really well. We want to transfer them back to Beverly ASAP and in order to do that they need to be off CPAP and they need to be tolerating all their feedings plus Beverly has to have two spare beds. I'm crossing all my fingers and toes that it happens soon because getting in to Boston every day is going to be difficult.

Speaking of being difficult, one might think having premature babies in the NICU would be difficult because you are worried about their health but for that isn't the toughest part. I know that they are in good hands here and they have no major medical problems, they are simply finishing off what they would have done inside the womb. What makes is hard is being far from home, separated from Greg and Lizzie. I have barely seen either of them since the twins were born and I really miss them. It is difficult to feel torn in so many directions. I want to be with the twins and I want to be with Greg and Lizzie. I am still recovering from the c-section so my mobility is limited and that makes it tough too. I want my family all together and I think that right now, that is the hardest part about this whole thing.