Cautious Optimism

Yup, you saw it right, positive! I tested at home this morning but to be honest, I wasn't surprised with the result like I was with Lizzie. I've been telling Greg all week that I thought I was pregnant. When I got pregnant back in the spring I kept feeling like I was about to get my period but, needless to say, it didn't come, at least not for about 9 weeks. I've been having the same feelings this time around, like something is definitely going on down there. Not to mention the overwhelming tiredness I feel most of the time. So, here's to being cautiously optimistic.

Greg and I were talking about it this morning after we got the result. There are just so many places it could still go wrong that we almost afraid to be happy. When I got pregnant with Lizzie it was after 2 IVFs, a frozen embryo transfer, a change of clinics and a final IVF. We were just so shocked and excited to see a positive hpt the we didn't let all the other hurdles get in the way of our happiness. I knew that miscarriages weren't uncommon but I believed I was one of those women it never happened to and it didn't with Lizzie. Other than a few minor complaints, my pregnancy with her was fairly easy. But then I got pregnant naturally in the spring and I miscarried 9 weeks later. So, now I know personally how it feels for things to go wrong. So while I'm happy about the positive test, I just need to take it step by step. The next hurdle is the blood test on Tuesday.

To HPT or Not To HPT

That is certainly the question. Actually, until someone asked me if I was going to do a home pregnancy test (hpt), I hadn't thought about it this cycle. It's always a big mental debate for me. Some women do a test almost every day of their 2 week wait while others refuse to do one at all and wait for the blood test.

I don't really fall in to either of those categories. During my last IVF cycle I only did an HPT because my husband was going to be away the day of the pregnancy test and we wanted to prepare ourselves for the disappointment. We were so shocked when there were two lines, we really didn't believe it. I ran out and bought a bunch more tests including my favorite one, the ClearBlue digital test. There is nothing like seeing that word, "Pregnant", especially after 3 IVF cycles and a frozen embryo transfer.

But that was then and this is now. Or is it? Once again my husband is going to be out of town on the day of the test. So should I test at home again? If you've never been through this before it is more terrifying than you think. I started out as ambiguous in the beginning of this cycle but now that I'm so invested I want this to work. I want to see that word again and I'm terrified I won't see it. If I wait until Tuesday then I have a few more days of hope, a few more days of the possibility that I might be pregnant. If I test on Sunday then I might have to face a negative result sooner but at least my husband will be around to comfort me and I to comfort him.

So, you see my conundrum? Do I test at home or not?